The return of Crack Man

Crack Man came back today.  He was sporting a brand new toilet and even more butt crack than he had before.  He seems to be particularly proud of it.  At one point, I walked into the kitchen (adjacent to the offending bathroom).  Crack Man was putting the new wax seal onto the pipe and the toilet was sitting sort of halfway our the doorway.  No seat, of course.  But Crack Man was sitting on the toilet, leaning WAY over to install this seal.  I caught just a glimpse before I fled for my life, choking back my lunch with every step.  I warned the girls.  Don’t go into the kitchen.  It ain’t pretty.

For all of his flaws, Crack Man gave us a new toilet.  It’s a grand jobby too.  One of those low-water, turbo flush dealies.   I swear to God, when you flush it, you can feel the air whoosh out of the room.  The whole procedure is over in about 10 seconds and you’re on your way.  Thank you, Crack Man!

We even dodged the rotten floor bullet, so we didn’t need to call the carpenter to replace the sub floor.  We love the carpenter.  He’s hard-working, highly skilled, and he never once sported an ounce of butt-crack the whole month he worked on our roof.  He’s one of our favorite contractors.

That tragedy now behind us (and hopefully Crack Man, too) we can move on to other things.  School starts a week from Wednesday.  Supplies are bought, tuition will be paid, and I will send my first born off to her senior year.  I dread it.  I cry at ALL the graduations.  What in God’s name is going to get me through this one?  Maybe a sedative.  Maybe a prayer.  Maybe an entire box of tissues.  I must be strong.  At least I’ll still have two kids at home.  And she will come back to visit.  I’ll drive out to Columbia U and get her if I have to, but she WILL come visit, dammit!

So, senior year, here we come.  And Sophomore year for Bill.  Katie is still at home for another year.  But at least we’ll get to do all this with a working toilet and at least part of our sanity.


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